Closing Alone
by CoreyWW
Summary: A conversation between Lars and Sadie as Sadie is leaving work to go on a date. With someone who isn't Lars. To say this conversation goes poorly is an understatement. Story is continued in "We Have to Stop Cleaning the Slate with Anti-Freeze" by BarracudaHeart.


"Lars, can you do me a favor and close up by yourself tonight?" Sadie said about thirty minutes before closing time at the Big Donut. "I want to go home and change before my date tonight."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Lars leaned on the front counter by the register, half-listening as he idly browsed online with his phone. A second later, he registered what Sadie had said and his eyes went wide. "Wait, _what_?"

Sadie grabbed her pink jacket from underneath the counter.

"Yeah, I have a thing tonight," said Sadie as she put her short arms through the sleeves of her jacket. She wasn't even looking directly at Lars when she said it, like it was no big deal. Something about that, the casual tone of it, irked Lars far more than he expected.

Not that he actually cared or anything.

"No no, you didn't say 'thing,'" Lars said, pointing at Sadie. "You said 'date.' Since when do you go on dates?"

"Uh ... since someone asked me and I said yes, apparently?" Sadie shrugged.

"Well, _I_ didn't know you were dating!"

Sadie's smile dropped and she squinted at Lars.

"Since when do I need your _approval_ to go on a date with someone?" she said.

Lars stood straight up, taken aback.

"What?! No! That's not-" Lars rubbed his temple. "That's not what I meant at all! You can do whatever you want!"

"I'm glad you agree," Sadie said. "So _are_ you okay with closing alone or-"

"Yes, okay, whatever!" Lars said indignantly. "Just toss me the keys!"

Sadie felt around the pocket of her khakis and gently tossed the store keys to Lars. Lars tried to catch them with one hand, but nearly missed them entirely and had to scramble to catch them before they hit the floor. He grumbled. So much for being a cool guy.

"Thanks," said Sadie unenthusiastically.

Lars frowned. Great, so now she was miffed at him. For what? It's not like he _did_ anything.

Lars tried to look in any other direction aside from directly at Sadie as she zipped her jacket up and moved towards the front door. He knew he should have just left it at that. It would be the smart thing to do, he thought. To leave it alone.

But as Sadie's hand touched the door handle, Lars couldn't help but ask.

"So who's the guy?" Lars asked.

Sadie stopped. She glanced back at him and sighed.

"Does it really matter?" she said.

"No ..." Lars said. "Just ... wanted to know."

Sadie shifted back and forth uneasily. She took a deep breath.

"Promise you won't freak out?" Sadie said.

Lars rolled his eyes.

"Why would I freak out?!" he said. "I already told you, it's fine, alright?"

"It's Ronaldo."

" _RONALDO_?!" Lars said, slamming his hands on the counter.

Sadie put her hand over her face.

"Oh, here we go," she muttered.

"I-I mean, you can't be serious, right?" Lars said as he walked around the counter over to her. His head was shaking as he struggled to comprehend this.

"You _just_ said you didn't care who it was," Sadie said, running her hand nervously through her curly blonde hair.

Lars pause then flung his hands up.

"Yeah, but RONALDO, _really_?!" he said.

"What's wrong with Ronaldo?" she said.

Lars stared in disbelief.

"What's wrong wi- what's _RIGHT_ with Ronaldo?!" he said.

" _Lars_!" Sadie glared at him.

"And, let's not forget," Lars said with his finger in the air, "he tried to _kill_ me by throwing me in the mouth of that freaky lighthouse Gem ghost thing!"

Sadie's eyes went wide for a moment, then she shook her head.

"I-I don't think _any_ of us were thinking clearly during that whole thing," she said uneasily. "I can't exactly fault anyone for losing it a little."

"Ronaldo doesn't lose it 'a little,' he's _CRAZY_ and he needs to be ON _PILLS_!" He smacked the back of his hand in the palm of his other as he punctuated the last two words.

Sadie's mouth hung open.

"That's a _terrible_ thing to say!" she said.

" _Doesn't make it wrong_!" Lars shouted.

Sadie gritted her teeth then shouted back.

"How can you even say something like that? _He used to be your best friend_!"

"Yeah, that's how I know _he sucks!_ " Lars said.

Sadie rubbed her temple and shook her head.

"You know, I shouldn't- I shouldn't even be surprised you'd treat your friends like that," she said.

Lars narrowed his eyes.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" he said.

Sadie closed her eyes.

"Nothing," she said. She turned to walk away, but Lars would be damned if he was gonna let her just leave on that note.

"No, tell me, you were _SO_ talkative a minute ago," said Lars. "Say what you wanna say to my face!"

Sadie turned back, her eyes flashing with anger.

"Okay," she said. "Well, if you _really_ want to know, it just made me think of a time a certain _someone_ took advantage of my kindness and faked a back injury to get out of work just to hang out with ... with some _floozy_!"

"Jenny's not a floozy!" Lars shouted.

"Oh, gee, I'm _so glad_ you feel so strongly about that, Lars," said Sadie.

Lars's felt his face flush red, his entire body shaking from how worked up he was getting.

"That's- okay, yeah, totally not even what I meant!" said Lars. "She's just my friend, okay? All those guys are!"

"Well ... _whatever_ ," Sadie said, folding her arms. "The fact is you didn't _care_ how I felt, even though we're _supposed_ to be friends."

"You little- how can you say that?! All I'm doing is looking out for you!"

"You're not looking out for me, Lars. You're just being jealous!"

Lars blushed.

" _Jealous_?!" he said. "Jealous of WHAT?!"

Sadie winced as if Lars had physically hurt her.

"Oh that- that makes me feel even better," said Sadie. "Thanks for that."

Lars flinched back. Seeing the hurt on Sadie's face made it hard for Lars to look directly at her.

"I didn't mean it like that, okay?" Lars muttered.

"You _sounded_ like you meant it," Sadie said quietly. "Like I said, when have you acted like you really cared?"

Lars clenched his fist.

"Oh, so you think I just don't have any feelings at all, is that it?!" Lars shouted. "Okay, fine! You wanna play the 'bring up crap that has nothing to do with this argument' game?! We'll play that game!" Lars pointed to himself with his thumb. "Here's my impression of someone. See if you can guess who this is?"

Lars crouched down, then put his hands to the side of his face. He spoke in an extremely mocking female voice that sounded almost nothing like Sadie.

"'Hey Lars. You seem really stressed out lately so I think I'll basically _kidnap you and Steven_ so I can creep on you!'" Lars stood straight up. "Which, I wanna point out, uh, felony. That's a felony."

" _I didn't mean to-"_ Sadie's face was red and for a second it looked like she was about to explode ... but to Lars's surprise she took a deep breath and exhaled. When she spoke again, her tone was much calmer. "Look, let's ... let's not do this. You're right, I've done some dumb stuff in the past and ... and I think we both just said some things we don't _really_ mean."

Lars's eyes softened. He took a breath himself. She was right, like always. This was getting way out of hand.

"Let's not ..." Sadie gripped her shoulders tightly as she spoke, as if she was trying to physically hold it together. "Let's just drop this, okay? I have a date to get to and ... you know, I don't think either of us wants to make this into a thing."

"Y-yeah," Lars said. He shook his head. "Yeah, sorry, I didn't know what I was thinking. You're totally right." He waved dismissively. "Just go do what you want. Try and have a good time with that weirdo doing ... whatever."

If Sadie was offended by Lars calling Ronaldo a weirdo, she didn't show it. She just nodded.

"Yeah, okay," she said. She straightened up her jacket. "I'll ... I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah ... yeah," Lars said, walking back over to the counter and leaning against it. He awkwardly waved. "What are you waiting for? Go already?"

Sadie gave a small smile and waved back. She placed her hand back on the front door and pulled it open.

Lars glued his eyes to the floor. So what if Sadie and Ronaldo went out? It's not like it affected him. It's not like there was anything between him and Sadie, not really. There wasn't any reason for him to get as stressed as he did. There was no reason for his stomach to churn as Lars thought of the two of them ... alone ... together ... doing God knows what. He felt like bile was rising in the back of his throat. He grunted.

"Just hope she doesn't mind that fat loser on top of her ..." he muttered to himself.

Lars's head snapped up when he heard the door slam shut so hard it nearly shook the walls. Sadie was still standing at the door, her hand on the handle. Even though he could only see her from the back, he could see she was shaking.

 _Oh shit, did I say that out loud?_ Lars thought.

As if in answer, Sadie's head turned slowly around. The fury in just her eyes alone made Lars's breath quicken. He felt his heart pound harder and harder in his chest.

" _Come_ ... _again_?" Sadie said through gritted teeth.

"Uhhh," was all Lars managed to get out before Sadie ran over and yanked Lars by the collar. She pulled him down so their faces were on the same level.

" _YOU KNOW WHAT, LARS?!"_ Sadie screamed. "Why is it that I only EVER feel one-inch tall, like I'm totally _worthless_ , like I'm this ... HORRIBLE person who deserves to FEEL horrible ... when I'm around YOU?! NOBODY else I know makes me feel this way, no one else makes me ACT this way! Why is it I only- WHY IS IT I ONLY GET LIKE _THIS_ AROUND YOU?!"

"I don't-" Lars stammered, but Sadie didn't give him a chance to finish. He could see moisture well up in her eyes.

"I mean ... I was ACTUALLY looking forward to this!" Sadie said. "I mean, yeah, you're _totally_ right, Ronaldo's weird sometimes, but at least he's _nice_ to me! And he asked ME out and ... and I actually felt GOOD about myself! You know, that there was someone who'd actually ask a freaking short loser like me out!" She sniffed. "I know I'm not anything to _look_ at, you know!"

"Sadie, that's not-"

"And then, and then, right when I'm leaving work, having something to actually DO on a Friday night for once, I ask you for one favor and then you just ... you go nuts! All I asked is if you'd be okay closing up and then, SOMEHOW, now I'm crying and I'm probably worried I'll show up looking like SHIT and be freaked out the whole night and ... and ..." Sadie clenched her free fist. "Why do I do this to myself?! WHY?! Because of one night where you made me feel like you MIGHT actually care about me?!"

Lars felt his heart sink. He glared back. She wasn't gonna go there. She _couldn't_ go there.

" _Don't_ ," Lars said firmly.

Sadie's voice cracked.

"Did it mean ANYTHING to you at all?" Sadie said, taking short breaths, barely holding it together. "Was it just because I stood in line for your dumb game?"

Lars clenched his fist. His fingernails dug into his palm so hard he felt blood start to trickle on the tips of his fingers. He was so furious he didn't even care.

"Just ... shut up ..." Lars said shakily.

"Well, _what am I supposed to think_?! _Sometimes_ you act nice and I really, REALLY want to believe you're a good person, but most of the time ..." Sadie tightened her grip of the collar of his shirt. "Most of the time you act like you don't feel ANYTHING for me at all!"

Before Lars could stop himself, he pushed Sadie back, not too hard but with enough force she let go of his shirt and almost stumbled over. He closed his eyes and shouted.

" _Well, what do you care?!"_ He screeched. " _I slept with you! Isn't that what you WANTED?!_ "

He opened his eyes and saw Sadie, tears now streaming down her face. Even though she still looked furious, her lips were quivering as if it was taking everything she had not to sob.

Lars realized what he had just said and unclenched his hands, the reality of what he just said out loud sinking in.

 _Ohshitohshitohshit, too far! That was WAY too far,_ thought Lars.

Lars immediately put his hands up.

"Oh god, Sadie," he started. "Listen, I am ... I didn't mean to-"

Sadie didn't wait for him to finish. Sadie didn't drop the hard look she was giving. When she spoke, she was no longer screaming. Her tone was harsh, but it was so quiet Lars almost had to strain to hear it.

"Lars ... you have no _idea_ what I want," said Sadie.

Before Lars could stammer anything else, she quickly pivoted around and started for the door. She rubbed the sleeve of her jacket across her face.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Sadie said emotionlessly as she jerked the door open.

Lars took a step after her, reaching out after her.

"Sadie, please, don't just leave like this! Look, _I'm sorry_!"

Sadie twisted her head back, the skin around her eyes rubbed red.

"I don't care," said Sadie.

She slammed the door of the Big Donut behind her. Beyond the glass, Lars saw her practically sprint away as soon as she hit the sidewalk.

Lars almost ran after her ... until he thought back to everything he had said, everything he had done, and he couldn't find the will too. After all, what was there he could even say to wash away that? Maybe nothing.

Lars, almost in a daze, wandered back over to the counter. He placed one hand against it, feeling like he needed to grab onto something to hold his body up. He suddenly felt weak in the knees.

Lars thought back to _that_ night. He'd thought of it often, more than he'd ever admit. But this time, he thought about what it must have been like for Sadie, _being_ with someone she had a crush on for ... God only knows what reason because Lars couldn't think of a good one. He thought about what it must have been like feeling that closeness and then ... just having the other person just never acknowledging what happened. As crappy as it sounded, this was the first time where he really thought about what it must have been like for her, what it must have _felt_ like.

He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling.

"... I suck," Lars whispered.

Lars stayed like that for a long time until he finally locked up the Big Donut and went home. He didn't get any sleep. Everytime he tried to drift off, he kept turning back to his nightstand and staring at his phone. He didn't expect Sadie to call or text him, but part of him _hoped_ she would, just so there would be some hope he hadn't irrevocably damaged ... whatever it was they had.

But nothing ever came.

* * *

 **Author's Note: This work is a bit of a homage to BarracudaHeart's Steven Universe fanfics, which is why it's credited as a "gift" to them up top. Most of their work is really good stuff with the normal teens in Beach City and tend to deal with more mature themes, so if you enjoyed this or want to check out something similar with a perhaps ... less acidic tone than this ended up having, their work has my personal recommendation.**

 **After originally writing this, BarracudaHeart was actually super cool and really liked this, so they wrote a sequel to it with my permission. Links are weird on fanfiction dot net so I can't link it directly, but the title of the sequel is "We Have to Stop Cleaning the Slate with Anti-Freeze." If you enjoyed this story, I urge you to read that sequel now. It has my official enforcement and personally I think it blows the original out of the water. Check it out. Thank you for reading.**


End file.
